


murder is a bad thing, kids

by neat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Replay Value, Gen, SBURB, SBURB Guide, headcanons, ish, not a full session but discussing sessions, player killers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 05:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13159983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neat/pseuds/neat
Summary: "You always know when an angry person is angry, but someone who always seems calm could be 3 inches away from stabbing you in the throat with a toothbrush handle and you’d never know."i am new to writing (in english) and replay value.





	murder is a bad thing, kids

**Author's Note:**

> chapters will be from the perspective of a muse of mind that writes a guide for other replayers. she will not tell you her name, or those of team mates. the session she is in plays only a minor role. you might want to read a bit of replay value first, just because i am really bad at explaining, but you shouldnt need to.

 

**murder is a bad thing, kids**

**a guide to deal with player killers**

by some former anonym player killer

* * *

 

No Time Stamp. Not Classified. No Identified Source.

Uploaded to an outer ring server and distributed by word of mouth and copy-paste.

formatting problems might occur.

 

* * *

 

I am not going to rose lalonde this thing. If you were sent this way, you probably dont have time for purple prose. lets make this quick.

 

you have a player killer in your session. congratulations on winning the lottery for the worst things sburb has to offer. if you need to skip ahead: i compiled a list of pks classpects i ever encountered and how to hopefully get rid of them. they are not fun. they are brutal and bloody and the dirty fighting sburb doesnt want you. 

 

if your team does not have what it takes to take a player killer down, you might want to skip so the [fleeing your session] part of this. good luck with that. i wouldnt take that route if i were you, to be honest. paradox space is not kind, and sburb, as bad as it is, is the best life has for you right now. (but maybe i have stockholm syndrom?)

 

index

  1. Motivation of player killers
  2. likely classpects for player killers (and how to deal with them)
  3. unlikely classpects for player killers (and how to deal with them)
  4. do not put them on a fair trial
  5. how to deal with a former PK
  6. early signs someone might be a player killer
  7. strategies for keeping everyone safe
  8. how PKs organise
  9. when you have more than one (pray to your denezin)
  10. fleeing your session
  11. make their names public
  12. sburb evolution: finding where your session is in the multiverse
  13. when sburb mechanics give you a pk



 

 

 

i am writing all this because i suspect our heart player to be a pk. maybe he is aktiv, maybe he is not. but i am sure he will wait. we are just two days in our session. full of newbies and kids. felt uncomfortable being the oldest one actually - not that my body is older than most of the others. i look like i am going to high school, and before our session began, i even did. for like two days. it was nice. but it made me sad. getting to know some non player humans. they didnt know anything. and why tell them? 

 

i havent been that sad for non-player humans for like 10 sessions. it felt strange. wrong. why am i getting emotional all the sudden? i must have rolled something stupid again.

 

* * *

 

**//1 Motivation of a player killer**

 

>  
> 
> "You always know when an angry person is angry, but someone who always seems calm could be 3 inches away from stabbing you in the throat with a toothbrush handle and you’d never know." - the heart
> 
>  

sburb fucks with your mind. it fucks with your self worth, it fucks with what is normal. 

 

killing should never be normal. but to us, the players, it is. by necesarrity. i know that most players dont count non-players and thus dont see themself as killers. that is, when you are past your second session. if you are still a newbie, chances are high, you think of yourself as a murderer. 

 

we have all been there. and not just because imps and denizens got what sburb designed them to get. (or do you make a deal with the denizen? i never could. for some reason they hate me.)

 

aktivating the game ended the world. it killed your civisilation. and even with the insight, that you could rebuild the new universe, you felt bad. you had a life, that is now gone, a family, that is now dead. and somewhere when the second session hits you, then you get, that it wasnt your life. it was prerumble, what sburb gifted you with before it took you by the colar and threw you right into hell. into your real life. but maybe youd didnt get it the second time. maybe you are one of those whho cling to the life before sburb, who made yourself believe it was all just a nightmare. and then it starts again. and the third time again.

 

and then you get it. 

 

sburb is your life. the session is your life. the other replayers are your life. and you make friends and family and forget the non-player humans. they are not real. nothing is before the session starts. and after a while you get good. or at least _better_. and you dont think yourself a murderer.

 

i dont need to drive the point home do i? the point being, for a player killer, you are as unreal _as a non-player human is to you_. you dont count as a regret. and they dont see themself in the wrong. their empathy is not with you in that moment.

 

i promised you to not rose lalonde my way into writing, but this screems unnessisary prose right? when you read for the motivation rather the immidiate solution, you probably have the time to consider your PK more closely. so lets consider the reasons to go batshit crazy and murder your team.

 

  * the doomed timeline panick 
    * basicly, when you are in a doomed timeline, you are screwd. you will die. when you are lucky and your classpect allows it, you can send your alternate timelines some messages. or not. it takes skill. sometimes this makes people go crazy. sometimes their classpect skills arent made for them sending messages to their alpha timelines. so when trying to make it work, they go crazy. its sburb and this is what happens when you dont accept your rules.
    * you will exist in your doomed timeline till you will not - usually you die because of sburb shenganians. but sometimes you will need to send iinformation to your alpha timeline (to create an alpha timeline) and hang out with expected doom on your head. that makes some people crazy. they kill to take the doomed timeline down rather quickly than live in it for months.
    * but also: the last player in a doomed timeline can merge their consiousness with the alpha dream self. which is why some PKs start killing the moment they end in a doomed timeline. this is a failed logic, so kids, dont do it.
  * the "lets doom this timeline" panick 
    * something happend that makes a person hate the timeline they are in. even if it is the alpha, and they go crazy. so they try to doom the timeline by themself to make things right - whatever that means.
    * a false sense of what makes timelines alpha or doomed or something else can also make someone go on a murder spring. this usually happens to newbies and time players who dont know how to do their shit. 
  * god complex and testing your abilities 
    * sometimes, the skills sburb equips you with are cool and fascinating. and arent you a god? you go god tier and suddenly you have all these powers, so why not use them? but nobody is equal to you. at least, not the dumb imps and denizens. so you hunt your team mates. the only one real challenge left, right? this is what happens to some players who are in sburb too long. for either too many sessions or a session that got too long. happens to lords and bards all the time - honestly i think those classes are just broken. 
    * some people roll a title and convince themself the title is supposed to be a PK. if your understanding of getting through sburb is to please its messed up wishes for you, you will do anything to fullfill your title. and your title might feel like a destroyer class or aspect so, yes, this happens. nothing like making mother sburb proud. this happens to princes and the rage and doom aspect quiet freqently. be aware.
    * "the final reward is not broken" argument - there are communities of PKs who believe with their whole black heart that you can actually win sburb. i know it is dumb. we all got to the final door and watched our universe get created and then never got to take it as was promised. but some people believe that is just becasue we all got there the wrong way. and only if there is ONE last player to open the door, it will finally reveal the prize. the peace we all wanted. years and sessions ago. But this is bullshit. if anyone tries to convince you, you could ge the reward that way, take it from someone, who got there: it doesnt change a thing. murdering your team mazes does not make sburb love you. you will not get the prize. you. will. not.
  * "suicidal but not alone" things 
    * really dumb. really broken people. they want to hurt because they are hurt. they suffered. havent we all? but they are broken beyond the phase where everything can be cured with hugs and kisses. they will make you cry. even when they shed tears, dont show mercy. 
    * sometimes, relationships are what holds us together and lets us get over sburbs sadism. but sometimes it is the opposite: broken and mad by a broken heart is not someone you want to fight. if someone turns grimdark or pk over romantic issues, they can be talked out, but it is not worth it. they wil mostly only kill some people before offing themself. just hide or if you must try consoulting, do that. but you cant get those people with logic and their emotional baggage will make them useless in the session anyway so you better start a task force and just do it fast.  
      * sub point here, but have a look out for complicated open relatenships or onresolved crushes who might follow suit after your lovedrunk idiot offed temself and possible someone else. a session where the team offs themself for romantic reasons is a dumb and dead one. make sure noone feels guilty when the first idiot bites the dust. do the counselling to prevent damage. make a flow chart of the relationships and how much you appreciate everyone to ease them into talking things out rather than going grimdark. if you have to lie, then lie yor ass off. there sould be no more dying than nessisarry.
  * breaking sburb as revenge idiot argument 
    * when going grimdark is not related to love and feelings, it is usally because sburb was playing really hard with someone and they had enough. dont judge someone for being feed up, but judge their methods. arguing mostly goes over the head of those people and they will try other things than killing you first. but be aware of someone who wants to mess sburb up. it cant be done and they will probably kill you just to make a point or because they are too fed up with sburbs rules.
  * having lost meaning 
    * this happens when your sessions leader did a bad job of checking in on everyones emotional support system. if someone gets murder lust for having lost all meaning in their life, they are sad pathetic people. but they can be argued with and calmed down. not the worst that happens. make sure you have escape routes, timeline control and back to life plans for the confrontation and talk to them. if they dont listen, fight them and make them listen to your best motivation speaker and get them emotional support asap. have a guard who can kill them at their side till the end of the session. make sure the guard will follow throu to protect the other players.
  * ???



 

 

there are pk i dont know and didnt bother asking. and some i just dont understand their motivation even after speaking with them. but most of them fall into these categories. 

 

as you can tell I really hate PKs and i had the unfortunate luck to run into more than a few sessions with PKs. my personal strategy is to not ask too many questions and get them under controll first. kill before too many other people get killed. do yourself a favor and dont feel guilt while planning to get the PK down. you can feel guilty after, which you probably will. i always do.

 

but even if you understand a player killer (or lie and tell them you understand), dont argue over whether it is acceptable or not. it is not, and they dont get to use you or try to convince you. when someone killed a team mate, they are trash. dont let them trick you into arguing about the human/troll/whatever nature. they are sentient beings and the choice and mind they had lead them to a dumb path. the wrong path. 

 

humans are not inherently sinful. we are not naturally greedy and self-centered. when they try to agrue this, they distanced themself from showing empathy already and externialized morality. dont let them get to you. 

 

actually, i would argue, dont argue with a murderer, but we established, we all are to some degree. a player killer just wants to get your guard down, wants you to open up and not notice their attack. dont fall for that. you will have to kill them, and they did that choice for you. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> my english is really bad. well, reading is a lot easier than writing, you know the drill.  
> if you speak german, consider commenting in german. 
> 
> i am happy to answer asks in or out of character so shoot one my direction anytime. please dont feel offended for playing with the replay universe, i am not trying to "fix it" or anything. just... writing my first fanfic.


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